Bacon had her semi-private lesson today. I am struggling with accepting that her heart is so damaged she will never be able to do the things we had planned. Today it all came to a head. We were working on a lowered dogwalk, and she was running across it so confident when she slipped and c=scrambled and fell off. She immediately started limping, so we had to sit out the rest of the lesson. Now she is terrified of all of the contact obstacles, doesn't even want to go near them. It's so much to handle right now, I am so tired of crying about this. Thankfully she bounced back and was physically fine by the next day, but mentally...not so much. Me neither.

In our quest to live all we can, while we can, Mark and I (along with Dolphin and Bacon) headed south to our place in Goodland, Florida. No dog shows, no agility trials, just a vacation with no timeline (other than having to be back in time for Mark's next chemo appointment). It was a wonderful week. I needed this stress-free time with Mark. I had a wonderful time, but always in the back of my mind is the worry and stress about his future, and our future.

I figured Dolphin could show Bacon how to swim in the gulf, but no swim lessons needed as Bacon went right in the water as if she was part fish! She was so confident, it was wonderful to see. Enjoy the photos and the video of the dog's vacation (that they let us attend!).

We got back home from Florida late Friday night. I have been spending the past few days working with Bacon at home - just short training sessions of 5-10 minutes at a time. I had to lower the teeter all the way down and start from scratch, because that fall off the lowered dogwalk made her fearful of all raised planks. I worked on some short jumping sequences and she is doing OK. I rented the training building a few times, including tonight. It all seems like an exercise in futility because she can't go for more than a round or two and she is breathing heavy and slows down and loses all of her drive. It's weird, because in Florida while she was running and swimming in the water she didn't seem to slow down much, but then she was going at her own pace and could stop or slow whenever she wanted. It kills me to think about the fact that the two main things I wanted to do with her - field and agility - she won't be able to do. The hard thing is my friends don't seem to give it a thought. They are moving on, and when I try to talk about it I get brushed off. I need someone to talk to and to vent to, but have to keep it all to myself...sure cant vent to Mark because he has much bigger things on his mind. It's a very lonely path I am walking right now and with everything going on, I am struggling to stay positive.

On a positive note, I took Bacon to rally run-throughs and she did great. Its kind of ironic that the two sports I really do not enjoy (obedience and rally) are probably the two she will be able to do...go figure.

On a less positive note, I took Dolphin to Noodle's agility class this morning since he will miss his class tomorrow because of Mark's appointments, and he ran like complete shit. Apparently he thought I needed to feel like even more of a loser in this damn sport.

Oh yes, and how could I forget to mention - Bacon came in season today! Ye gads...we need this right now! All I can say is thank goodness it didn't happen a week ago when we were in Florida. Poor Dolphin would have lost his mind.

Welcome to my bi-polar life. I swear, it feels that way. I didn't sleep well last night and I was in a very crunchy mood this morning. We got up early and headed downtown so Mark could have his scans done. Spent hours and hours there, only to find out that the doctor that reads the scans is not in, so we will have to wait until next week for the report. It's killing me, this waiting game. I know I should have a handle on my frustration, but it feels like everything is piling on all at once.

I wasn't going to go train today after yesterday's fiasco. I did a little training in my yard and Bacon did great on the teeter. I worked in the afternoon, and she had a serious and complete meltdown in the kennel because I had Dolphin and Noodle in my office with me. Never mind that Pizza was right there with her, she barked and jumped at the walls and carried on for almost 2 hours. I had to do the tough love thing and wait her out. She finally quieted down so I could get her out and take her to training. She was panting and seriously over-exhaused, so I figured today's session would be a waste. I was so wrong! She was fantastic! Well, I should say, fantastic for a broken-hearted puppy in the heat. She ran fairly well, and best of all she did the teeter multiple times. I even took her over to the loud metal teeter and only had to lure her over the first time. After that, she ran across it multiple times (with a beautiful 2 on 2 off, I might add). Progress! We still haven't attempted a lowered dog walk yet, hopefully we will try that next week. I did love her focus today. Even with another dog working in the ring, she never left my side and stayed focued on what I was asking. That definitely is progress. I don't know what our future holds, but by golly I want a well-trained dog, regardless! We are getting there, and I feel SO much better than yesterday.

Monday night I had my semi-private lesson with Bacon, and it did NOT go well, not at all. I am falling behind, my heart is still breaking, and I don't know what to do. I do know that I am tired of leaving these lessons in tears. Either I accept how it is or I just give up this damn dream. I am not sure what to do.

What I did do was take Bacon out to the bird dog club yesterday morning and put out 4 pigeons for her. She did wonderful. She is getting bolder, so the 3rd and 4th pigeon got her excited enough to want to dive in when I flushed. I will work on that, moreso in the fall as it is way too hot to do much training in the summer, especially with her. I did like her independence. She hunted really well!

Going out in the field almost always puts me in a better mood, and it worked wonders for me. Since it was Tuesday, that meant scent work class for Dolphin. I don't mention it much, because I haven't trialed in over 2 years, but we have been keeping up with our scent work classes and he is doing fantastic! I tried to get in to a couple trials this winter but was waitlisted on all of them. Meanwhile, we keep training. Dolphin really loves it, he searches with such intensity and drive, it is fun to watch. I am getting much better at reading him, so hopefully we will get into a trial this summer so I can see all of our hard work put to the test.

It's funny, in thinking about scent work, this is sometjhing I love doing with Dolphin but I really haven't given much thought to training any of my other dogs on it. Part of me thinks I am already overwhelmed with the amount of training I do, and the other part of me is, well, maybe a bit lazy? I do love my action sports the best. I started in scent work with Pretzel many many years ago, and then with Dolphin when he was about a year old (mainly to build his confidence), and I just stuck with it. I guess if I had to prioritize, my #1 focus is agility, then comes field, then conformation, then rally/obedience, and then maybe scent work? This might be a sport that would be good for Bacon, but part of me feels like I am giving up or conceding defeat if I start her in it. I guess we will see how the summer pans out and I will figure out what to do.

Speaking of Bacon, I took some beautiful candids of her behind our barn last night. She is starting to mature beautifully. Hard to believe she is already 9 months old!

And one more note before I close out today's post - Noodle had agility class this morning and dayam she was awesome!!! She ran the entire class with wonderful speed and drive, and she was fantastic on all of the backside drills we were doing. I could tell she felt realy good this morning and was having a good day. I am really thinking I am not going to retire her quite yet. She was having a blast today, so as long as she is willing, we will keep at it. Man, I love that girl.

My training partner and I headed to one of my favorite places to trial - CAPS in Valley View, Ohio. Why do I love it? TONS of crating space, tons of room to warm your dog up, plus two rings on good turf. Added bonus - they had two great judges this weekend!

Dolphin loves the big rings here. He ran great today! We were SOOOOO close to a quadruple QQQQ but he knocked two bars in standard. For some reason, he threw in a short stride at a jump that clearly didn't need one, and he took the jump and the wong down. Then on the last jump, I dropped my arm and he turned to look at me while in the air over the jump, and nicked the bar to make it fall - my bad! Other than that, he had a great run in FAST, Jumpers, and T2B - where he finished his Time 2 Beat 4 title! It was a really good day, although a really LONG one. Bacon is in season so Dolphin has been pretty agitated at home. I think he was actually relieved to be away from the hormones, he slept like a log in the hotel room. Me - not so much, as my nightmares have been starting up again and they are really messing with my sleep.

I took Dolphin out to potty around 5:45 am and saw the most beautiful rainbow with the sunrise. It was the promise of a great day!

Today was indeed a great day at the trial. Dolphin really had his focus on, and he was so enthusiastic! We had a blast today, and nailed one of those elusive Quadruple QQQQ's! We are getting closer to qualifying for the AKC national agility championships - my big goal for this year. It seemed so out of reach for someone that doesn't trial every weekend, but after getting my MACH I firmly believe anything is possible.

Even though I was pretty exhausted today, and even though it rained all afternoon, we headed out to one of my favorite places to hike nearby. It was a bit muddy in the woods, but I felt that Dolphin deserved (and needed) a chance to walk and explore and just get out into nature. I love this hike down to the river, and with the heat being so bad it was nice to splash around in the water to cool off. I always feel so guilty bringing him to these long agility trial days. I know he loves running with me, but so much time is spent in a crate, and then in a hotel room, so I always look for good hiking opportunities so we can just have FUN.

To quote my favorite band - "What goes up, must come down." Yep, that was today! So many darn mistakes! Let me start off by saying Dolphin ran fantastic! He knocked two bars in FAST, unfortunately one of them was in the send bonus, so no Q. He had a phenomenal Standard run, I mean it was picture perfect! The second to the last obstacle was the weaves, and he nailed the entrance and was flying through them when he skidded to a stop around pole #10 because he saw a big while clump on the floor - possibly fur or paper? Unfortunately when he stopped and restarted, he skipped a pole, so we had to go back and re-do. No Q on that one (and that would have been a super nice Q with good points!). Then in Jumpers, he was doing great but knocked a bar - looks to be from bumping the wing. After he knocked the bar I pushed the last half and it was aweosme - he was super accurate and fast.

We did manage to get a nice Q in Time 2 Beat. This is Q#1 towards our T2B5 title. I like it when Time 2 Beat is at the end of the day. It's such a nice way to end the day. Overall it was a really good weekend, although HOT! I ran through my fan batteries every day trying to keep Dolphin cool in his crate. It's still one of my favorite places to trial, but maybe it's not a bad thing I will be missing their July trial, with how hot the building got this weekend.